Are Jennifer Aniston And Orlando Bloom Sexing?
by Khaireel Azlee
There was a time when Jennifer Aniston could have had the pick of any man she wanted. And so, naturally, she picked Brad Pitt.
Her TV show Friends was the greatest show of all time, The Rembrandts were the greatest band of all time, her man was without doubt the sexiest man of all time, and she too was the single most desired female in the human race, second only to a feisty young computer simulation called Lara – but what did Jennifer care about her?
No artificial intelligence was going to seriously threaten her position in Brads mind. He loved her. That computer simulation would have to pull a Pinocchio for him to be even the slightest bit interested. And a Gepetto
That was until a man called Simon West showed up, who wished that Lara would become a real girl. A physical being whom he might be able to touch with his hands one day. And he wished so hard that it actually came true! All of a sudden, every boy in the world became aware that Aniston was old news – a new girl was in town.
And unfortunately for Jennifer – despite his many wonderful aspects – Brad was a boy too.
Suddenly, Jennifer was slipping down the sexiest rankings, being taken over by some barely-legal pop-stars going by the names of Britney and Christina, as well as the real life Lara, one Miss Angelina Jolie, who was beginning her meteoritic rise to the top of wank-charts. Friends aired its final episode, Jennifer was reaching the wrinkly side of thirty, and The Rembrandts were just a fading memory. Oh, the horror of it all!
Next thing you know Brad’s saying something like “Guess what, Jennifer, baby? I’m starring alongside that Lara Croft girl in my next film, how about that?”
How about that, Jennifer? With Brad gone and her status diminished, she was left with Vince Vaughn, much in the way we’ve all been left with Vince Vaughn – desperately waiting for someone better to properly fill the void he tip-toes around in. And it, of course – like most Vince Vaughn projects should be – was doomed from the start.
Where was Jennifer to turn to next? How far had she been relegated? To a builder from Essex, perhaps? Surely not! What next, an elf?
According to the New York Post, eyewitnesses have reported seeing Aniston looking all loved up at Beso, an LA eatery, with none other than real life Legolas, Orlando Bloom – Jennifer has found her own real boy! An onlooker said:They were sitting very close. She was looking at him like he was her favourite guy in the world.
Hooray for love! It's done some wondrous things in it's time, lets just hope it can now bewitch Ms Aniston into actually thinking Orlando is a man she can settle down with, and may we never have to write about her philanderings again.
Come on love! Please!
GOtZip by Khaireel Azlee at Wednesday, December 02, 2009
LaBels: Orlando Bloom